Because there aren't enough Olympic events

My husband was obviously bored at work today, so he came up with a list of new, non-politically correct, Olympic events:

Speed Tagging - Athletes will be timed to graffiti 5 walls in under 3 minutes. Graffiti should clearly determine their posse, and what hood they are from.

Speed Stripping - Athletes will have 45 seconds to remove saleable items from a parked car. Points will be deducted for being arrested during competition.

Bling Lifting - Athletes in pre-determined weight groups will be loaded up with excessive amounts of bling. The last to fall over and lose consciousness will be declared the winner.

Flava Survival: Athletes will be timed for the longest period that they
are able to endure a 'fully funked-out' car stereo. The car will be equiped
with 15x1000 watt speakers and a 65" sub-woofer. Time penalties will be
added for blood released from ears or nose, and internal organs that are deemed to have been ruptured.

Pocket Picking - Athletes will have 15 minutes to move from one end of a train to the other and steal as many wallets and watches as possible before being caught. This is already an unofficial Olympic activity, and is likely to be the first new event to be sanctioned.

See what I have to live with?