Work rant and other stuff
Sep. 5th, 2004 02:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
littleheavenI've just had the most appalling week.
At the beginning of July I started a new role within the organisation I work for. Well, new team-mates, new boss, same job (my role was moved from Operations to Finance). I went from a group of girls my age, with whom I got on well, to a small team of three middle-aged men and a woman 10 years my senior who is my boss (and calls me Missy). None of them are what I can call friends. Nobody to talk to about stuff in general. I feel lonely at work.
Over the last fortnight I've been filling in for one of the three guys, who went on holiday. He tried to train me in his job, but some people just don't have the knack for explaining how to do things. He's one of those. I did my best to cover his work. And do mine at the same time. Doesn't help that since the 25th of July I've had two horrible flu viruses (with just a four-day break in between) and after that suspected food poisoning. Anway, I made a few mistakes, nothing major, teething problems really. Not like you can expect someone doing something for the first time to get it exactly right on every level. Unless you are my boss, apparently.
On Wednesday she had a real go at me for not asking someone if the other-person's-job task they wanted me to do was urgent. I thought my e-mail "I'll pop down and see you at 1pm, is that cool?" pretty much asked that question (hence the 'is that cool?' portion of the sentence). Jeez, I was doing my best, trying to fit everything in, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. I lost the plot, burst into tears, explained that I was struggling to do both jobs. So then I was in trouble for not asking someone to help me. Like who? The other guy that knows the job already does 10 hours a day with no breaks. So she said I should prioritize, just do the most urgent things first (gee, that had never occurred to me). Pretty hard when you have 5 things that all need to be done NOW. I did my best, and on Friday she was making snide remarks about how the filing hadn't been kept up to date. Excuse me? Since when was that a priority? She was adamant the guy on holiday would not come back to a mess. I totally understand and agree with that, but is it fair that he comes back to a totally up-to-date workload, and mine is a week behind as a result? So I left all my work and did his. I had to go back in on Saturday to attend to my most urgent jobs. Which no doubt I'll get in trouble for since she told me she didn't want me working weekends. No win situation as far as I can see.
Of course all the stress has aggravated my IBS, which means I've been unable to get to work before 10am, when it tends to settle down. I've been working until 7pm, with no time to even eat lunch. I did a whole extra day in overtime last week. And on Friday afternoon I got a call from the Group Manager (my bosses boss) saying she's been talking to him, and he'd like to see me first thing Monday for "a chat" about my hours and stuff. Great. He knows about my medical issues. I told him I would not agree to move to his department unless they could accomodate my strange hours. He said not a problem. And now, apparently, it is.
I've never been in trouble at work before. 16 years and I've always had an exemplary record. Achievement certificates, awards, glowing appraisals. I feel like a total failure. I know I am hard on myself. I know I should have asked someone for help before I got so behind. But I wanted to impress her. And now she thinks I'm useless and I hate that. Other people's approval is just too important to me. More than it should be.
Anyway, I've had the weekend to think about it. When I go to see the GM, I'll just lay it on the line. I don't have a choice about the hours I work. I work around my health issues and my boss has to as well, if she wants me. If she can't do that, then she needs to look for someone else. My previous boss would take me back in a heartbeat. He says it every time I see him, and he's serious. There's not the same prospects for higher salary and career advancement there, but at the end of the day it would be worth it just to be free of the extra stress. It's a viscious circle. The stress makes my condition worse, which makes me later to work, which makes me later home, which makes me tired, and the boss grumpy, which makes me stressed, and the whole thing gets worse. I don't want to live on a cocktail of pills just to make it to work 30 minutes earlier every day. Some things are just not worth it. I've lost 2 kilos in the last 2 weeks (that's about 7lb). I only weigh just over 7 stone, I can't afford to lose any more weight.
God, I'm dreading this chat tomorrow. Maybe it won't actually be anything bad, and I'm just blowing things out of proportion because I'm so tired and stressed. Maybe I'm taking comments personally that were not meant to be personal. I just hate feeling like this.
On the lighter side of life, I've just finished reading Heat Stroke by the fantabulous![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rachelcaine. God it was good. Run out an buy a copy right now. And make sure you get the prequel Ill Wind. I tried to leave her feedback but I am still gibbering like a wreck. Maybe something coherent will come out later in the week.
Also, HOORAY because finally, after waiting two entire months since placing the order, my Season 4 DVD boxed set of Stargate finally came back into stock and is on a plane from Canada right now. And Season 5 is "in packaging", and will be hot on the heels of Season 4. 5's been on order for over a month as well. I am relieved they are finally coming. I've been in withdrawal. Although I know what happens at the end of 5 and will doubtless be blubbing like a baby over it. I still wanna see it though.
Okay, I feel better now I've ranted. Going to crack open a cold ginger beer, finish the last remnants of housework, and possibly get out of my pyjamas.
And not feel jealous that all my mates are having fun at Dragon*Con without me ;o)
At the beginning of July I started a new role within the organisation I work for. Well, new team-mates, new boss, same job (my role was moved from Operations to Finance). I went from a group of girls my age, with whom I got on well, to a small team of three middle-aged men and a woman 10 years my senior who is my boss (and calls me Missy). None of them are what I can call friends. Nobody to talk to about stuff in general. I feel lonely at work.
Over the last fortnight I've been filling in for one of the three guys, who went on holiday. He tried to train me in his job, but some people just don't have the knack for explaining how to do things. He's one of those. I did my best to cover his work. And do mine at the same time. Doesn't help that since the 25th of July I've had two horrible flu viruses (with just a four-day break in between) and after that suspected food poisoning. Anway, I made a few mistakes, nothing major, teething problems really. Not like you can expect someone doing something for the first time to get it exactly right on every level. Unless you are my boss, apparently.
On Wednesday she had a real go at me for not asking someone if the other-person's-job task they wanted me to do was urgent. I thought my e-mail "I'll pop down and see you at 1pm, is that cool?" pretty much asked that question (hence the 'is that cool?' portion of the sentence). Jeez, I was doing my best, trying to fit everything in, but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. I lost the plot, burst into tears, explained that I was struggling to do both jobs. So then I was in trouble for not asking someone to help me. Like who? The other guy that knows the job already does 10 hours a day with no breaks. So she said I should prioritize, just do the most urgent things first (gee, that had never occurred to me). Pretty hard when you have 5 things that all need to be done NOW. I did my best, and on Friday she was making snide remarks about how the filing hadn't been kept up to date. Excuse me? Since when was that a priority? She was adamant the guy on holiday would not come back to a mess. I totally understand and agree with that, but is it fair that he comes back to a totally up-to-date workload, and mine is a week behind as a result? So I left all my work and did his. I had to go back in on Saturday to attend to my most urgent jobs. Which no doubt I'll get in trouble for since she told me she didn't want me working weekends. No win situation as far as I can see.
Of course all the stress has aggravated my IBS, which means I've been unable to get to work before 10am, when it tends to settle down. I've been working until 7pm, with no time to even eat lunch. I did a whole extra day in overtime last week. And on Friday afternoon I got a call from the Group Manager (my bosses boss) saying she's been talking to him, and he'd like to see me first thing Monday for "a chat" about my hours and stuff. Great. He knows about my medical issues. I told him I would not agree to move to his department unless they could accomodate my strange hours. He said not a problem. And now, apparently, it is.
I've never been in trouble at work before. 16 years and I've always had an exemplary record. Achievement certificates, awards, glowing appraisals. I feel like a total failure. I know I am hard on myself. I know I should have asked someone for help before I got so behind. But I wanted to impress her. And now she thinks I'm useless and I hate that. Other people's approval is just too important to me. More than it should be.
Anyway, I've had the weekend to think about it. When I go to see the GM, I'll just lay it on the line. I don't have a choice about the hours I work. I work around my health issues and my boss has to as well, if she wants me. If she can't do that, then she needs to look for someone else. My previous boss would take me back in a heartbeat. He says it every time I see him, and he's serious. There's not the same prospects for higher salary and career advancement there, but at the end of the day it would be worth it just to be free of the extra stress. It's a viscious circle. The stress makes my condition worse, which makes me later to work, which makes me later home, which makes me tired, and the boss grumpy, which makes me stressed, and the whole thing gets worse. I don't want to live on a cocktail of pills just to make it to work 30 minutes earlier every day. Some things are just not worth it. I've lost 2 kilos in the last 2 weeks (that's about 7lb). I only weigh just over 7 stone, I can't afford to lose any more weight.
God, I'm dreading this chat tomorrow. Maybe it won't actually be anything bad, and I'm just blowing things out of proportion because I'm so tired and stressed. Maybe I'm taking comments personally that were not meant to be personal. I just hate feeling like this.
On the lighter side of life, I've just finished reading Heat Stroke by the fantabulous
rachelcaine. God it was good. Run out an buy a copy right now. And make sure you get the prequel Ill Wind. I tried to leave her feedback but I am still gibbering like a wreck. Maybe something coherent will come out later in the week.Also, HOORAY because finally, after waiting two entire months since placing the order, my Season 4 DVD boxed set of Stargate finally came back into stock and is on a plane from Canada right now. And Season 5 is "in packaging", and will be hot on the heels of Season 4. 5's been on order for over a month as well. I am relieved they are finally coming. I've been in withdrawal. Although I know what happens at the end of 5 and will doubtless be blubbing like a baby over it. I still wanna see it though.
Okay, I feel better now I've ranted. Going to crack open a cold ginger beer, finish the last remnants of housework, and possibly get out of my pyjamas.
And not feel jealous that all my mates are having fun at Dragon*Con without me ;o)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 09:09 pm (UTC)In the meantime, dance with Cordy and Angel. Celebrate that you have choices!
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 09:35 pm (UTC)I've decided I'm not going to take any shit. I'll just tell him that she either accepts me as I am or not. I'd happily go back to my old place, even though there's no actual job there for me now. I'm sure my old boss would find me something. There's plently of people there that know and like me who would take me, so I am grateful for that. And it puts me in a position of power, because nobody else in the whole company has ever done the job I currently do - so the team I'm with now would be in the poo if I left.
I think the boss just has unrealistic expectations of what people can do. I don't think she has any clue about what my job is, and therefore doesn't understand just how much work I have to put through. The other guy's job I was covering probably wouldn't have taken so much time if I wasn't new at it. You can't be new at something and super-fast as well.
We'll see how things go tomorrow. If they suck, I'll ring my old boss and ask to go back. Once upon a time I'd have put up with this sort of shit, but not any more. And that makes me feel quite calm and strong.
And after the dancing has finished, lets pet half-naked Angel. Grrrrr...
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 11:51 pm (UTC)And I just love that "Oh yeah" icon. Is it snaggable?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 08:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 12:15 pm (UTC):hugs you:
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 07:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 12:13 pm (UTC)Hope your ear is feeling better. Get thee some antibiotics. I had an ear infection at New Year and it wasn't pleasant, so I can sympathise.
I am squiggling with excitement about my soon-to-arrive Stargate DVD's. Just 6 & 7 to come now. And I'm obtaining 8 from somewhere *wink* I'll just focus on that :o)
AAaaaaaaaaaaaand.... always look on the bright side of life *whistle*
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 01:04 pm (UTC)I can still help you with season 6 if you need it. Maybe in exchange for a copy of Julie Fortune's upcoming SG novel which you'll be able to get and I won't? [pout]
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 01:49 pm (UTC)I have Season 6 on order at the moment (paid for and everything!), and I'm sure, seeing as 4 and 5 both came back into stock last week, that it won't be far away. Studios usually re-stock the previous seasons when they are about to release a new one, seems like that's happening here prior to 7's release in October.
But I can still help you out with Sacrifice Moon. It's the least I can do for your help with you-know-what! The cost of the book - maybe we can work something out in the way of LJ user pics or Amazon vouchers or something, and I'll kick in the postage for free. How does that sound?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 12:57 pm (UTC)And I think you should go to Stranger*Con in Vegas next year. It's SO on.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-05 02:00 pm (UTC)I see you had a yukky day the other day as well. I so totally understood what you meant about not being able to shut out all the noise and heat and stress. You sound like me - unable to keep other people's energy from affecting you. So if everyone and everything around you is loud and stressed, it winds you up. I can recommend bach flower rescue remedy to help keep you even and mellow. They give it to racehorses to achieve the same thing *g* I'm not sure if it's the bach flower or the preservative alcohol in it that does the trick, but who cares, right?
Oh, I wish I could come to Stranger*Con next year, but :looks up price: - $2300! And that's without insurance, spending money, accommodation. I've already had to turn down a week in Arkansas with Kel and Beck and the girls due to cost. And the fact that I'm a bit agorophobic and a long plane journey on my own is a bit of a dodgy thing to try! You all need to hold more of these things in New Zealand ;o) Or Australia at least. I can get there for $300.
Well, wish me luck. Going to talk to the big kahuna this morning. I have thought of responses to what I think he might say, and they all sound very reasonable. I think threatening to go back to my old department might scare him witless, because he was so keen to get me in the first place...